TV ANNOUNCER:
And now about Somangola: as we’ve said earlier this morning, the
situation there is critical now. Hundreds and hundreds have been
reported dead for the past twenty-four hours, including fifty-three foreign
journalists, hunted down and mercilessly killed by the provisional government.
Our correspondent Brian Johnson is right there, in the middle of the heat, but we won’t
reveal his exact location for his own safety. He’ll tell us now what the latest
news is…uuhh…Hello, Brian!
BRIAN:
Hi, Michael! As you’ve just said, the
situation here is absolutely critical! The provisional government of general
Mbamunda is responsible for at least one thousand deaths, including over fifty
foreign journalists. I’m hiding on the second floor in a building in the
capital Mgula now but even from the inside, I could distinguish eighty-three
different types of screaming coming from three different directions! These are
probably people that have been tortured by the government forces, which, by the
way, also try to impose information blackout.
TV ANNOUNCER:
Are you…are you really capable to
distinguish eighty-two different types of screaming, Brian? Because I think
it’d be amazing if you—
BRIAN:
Eighty-three, eighty-three! And I guess they easily could have been ninety-three but, unfortunately, the National Opera
is right behind the place where I’m hiding so—
TV ANNOUNCER:
Brian…Brian…be careful not to reveal—
BRIAN:
I mean the building is quite massive and
it actually blocks me from hearing what’s happening in the south. All the
streets in the capital are full of general Mbamunda’s soldiers and earlier in
the day, they even came here looking for me but I managed to sneak into the
fridge and they didn’t find me. I think they’re rather unlikely to come here
again soon.
TV ANNOUNCER:
So, Brian, I guess the most important
thing for you now is to escape. Have you got any plan prepared yet?
BRIAN:
Yes, I sure have! Tonight at nine-o-five, I’ve arranged a boat to wait for me on dock eleven at the city harbor. Her
name’s Lucia and the boatman will take me to the other side of the border—over
to Taxila—
TV ANNOUNCER:
Well, Brian, are you sure it’s safe to
say…I mean isn’t it dangerous to reveal—
BRIAN:
Of course, it’s dangerous, Michael! Of
course it is, but for the moment, I have no other option but this boat. Oh, and
I almost forgot: my cellphone just broke so I’m now using the stationary telephone
here in the building. The number is 0093 99 099, which is funny because the
place I’m hiding in is also 99, Kusulu Street. You can get in touch with me for
one final report tonight before I go. The entire building is empty so it’s
perfectly safe to call.
TV ANNOUNCER:
Brian, Brian…please don’t reveal—
BRIAN:
Michael, I can’t talk anymore! I think I
hear military personnel down on the ground floor! I need to go now and I’ll
hide in the library this time because the soldiers might have come to check out
the fridge, you know! I saw a very good hiding place between the second and the
third row of shelves in the Classics section. I think I’ll try it! So bye-bye,
Michael! I’ll get in touch as soon as I can!
TV ANNOUNCER:
Well…goodbye, Brian. I don’t actually
think we’ll hear from you again but it’s been nice working with you. And now,
other news: our correspondent revealed a massive fraud in a kindergarten on 33,
South Street, here in the capital. It seems that an ounce has been shaved
off every children’s portion of food every day and then the accumulated amount has been sold
on the free market every month. Doris Witherspoon is on the street to tell us
what exactly is happening and where the money from this filthy illegal deed goes.
DORIS:
What did you just say, Michael? Are you nuts?
TV ANNOUNCER:
Pardon me?
DORIS:
Are you out of your fu**ing mind?
TV ANNOUNCER:
I don’t understand, Doris!
DORIS:
You don’t understand? What's the matter
with you, you fu**ing jerk?! How dare you mention my full name on the national fu**ing TV? My fu**ing kid’s in this kindergarten, you fu**ing moron!
TV ANNOUNCER:
Oh, I’m sorry, Doris! I didn’t know that! I’m
so sorry!
DORIS:
You’re sorry? I can’t just say Doris, huh?
TV ANNOUNCER:
I just don’t know what happened. I flipped out!
DORIS:
You sure flipped out, you idiot! My kid’s
there, not yours! Do you know what it’s like to have a kid at this age? Do you
know how hard it is to find a kindergarten these days? You, mother fu**ing
s**t! You, damn imbecile! I wanna…I’m gonna…you little…you filthy…you
stinky fu**ing di**head…jack**s…j**k off…SUCKER!
TV SCREEN:
zzz…zzz…zzz…
